AUTHOR: My Something TITLE: I Am Woman. Hear Me Yelp. STATUS: Draft ALLOW COMMENTS: 1 CONVERT BREAKS: 1 ALLOW PINGS: 0 PRIMARY CATEGORY: DATE: 5/05/2003 01:12:00 PM ----- BODY: (Don’t read if you don’t want to know about bikini waxing.) So here I am at the beach. I don’t get many opportunities to put on a swimsuit, which is a good thing for all. So to prepare, I decided that it would be time for my first bikini wax. Usually I just take care of it at home but the results are usually painful, ineffective and short-lasting. I asked around for a good place. Now, of course, if I was going to go Brazilian, I would go to J. Sisters. One of my friends swears that Brazilians make her “feel like a rock star.” And while I’m all for channeling my inner rock star, the idea of being bottomless, spread-eagle and having a stranger three inches from my cootch with a lighted magnifying glass is quite disturbing and surely to be traumatic. I was prepared to only go as far as a regular bikini wax. My cousin recommended Salon AKS and said I should go with Olga. Of course, there is no one there named Olga so I decided to go with Galina. She seemed really grandmotherly, like she would understand my anxiousness. When I got there, I was early and already started sweating. And that’s when I realized it wasn’t best to go on a day when you’re wearing a dark suit and it’s a bit humid. Galina was very nice and I immediately told her it was first time and I was very nervous. In a thick Russian accent, she said it would be painless. Yeah, ok, sure, whatever. When we got in the room, which I was glad was a real room with a locking door rather than a curtained off area, she immediately and sternly told me to take off my pants. Of course I started to laugh nervously because she was not wasting any time. I did as I was told and awkwardly hopped up on the table. My promise not to scream too loudly was not taken very well. The first thing I did was hold my underwear to the side to show her how far in to go. I figured that would be the extent of the crotch touching. I was wrong. To avoid getting wax on it, Galina pulled my underwear over more into a place underwear isn’t supposed to go. More nervous laughter. Because she said I was fair, had sensitive skin and it was my first time, she applied a wax that doesn’t require strips. But she had to blow on it to get it to dry, so that was really weird. Then she kinda rolled the wax off and it only hurt a bit but it took longer to do. As Galina was doing this, we talked about different techniques and I agreed to let her do the strip method on the other side. Again, more wax and then just like that, she ripped up the strip. No countdown, no deep breaths. Just rip. I yelped and then she scorned me because it didn’t really hurt. I fearfully agreed that it didn’t hurt . . . not as bad as I thought it would. Galina rubbed some cream on me and I was able to get up and dress. From beginning to end, I felt a little man handled but I’m sure if I had been coddled it would have just built up the anxiety I was feeling. The results are nice but the left side where she did it with the strips is a little sore. I’m glad I got it over with and I think I'll try to keep up with it. I feel like a back up singer now. ----- EXTENDED BODY: ----- EXCERPT: ----- --------